Flying mutant pigs are attacking the Kingdom. Or something. The only thing that can stop them is you, a warrior who hasn’t gotten the hang of floating, and a bunch of friends who show up to totally wreck shop. Why didn’t they just send your friends in the first place? Why are there cannibal pigs who can fly? But most importantly, why am I wasting my life like this?

1. Meatpossible: Chapter 1.5 Download Free
2. Meatpossible: Chapter 1.5 Download Iso
3. Meatpossible: Chapter 1.5 Download Full

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MeatPossible: Chapter 1.5 is a Flappy Bird clone that is, for some reason, trying its darndest to be an anime influenced JRPG. It might look like a side scrolling shooter, but do not be fooled! Players up-and-down their floating warrior Lunaya as waves of pigs, cooks, rocks and whatever else comes at them. Occasionally there are mini-games which can be activated, which yield bonus items.

Lunaya automatically hits certain enemies. Others need to be assaulted with a blast from the Princess, summoned by a button press to protect Lunaya. Chests can be collected in sequence to increase life or activate powers. These powers take the form of other characters being summoned, who dice everything on screen into tiny chunks.

Money can be collected to buy upgrades and allies. These provide the usual fare of increased health, damage, item drops and the like. Allies can be pets which accompany Lunaya and lend support, or characters which are summoned.

There are a number of levels for the player to make their way through. These tell an ongoing story of Lunaya’s quest to face the horde of invading pigs. Each level ends with a boss fight. I think.

I am going to flip my usual review format and talk about the negative stuff first. Hang onto your hats. If you don’t have a hat, go put one on. Then hang onto it. It’s not vital, but it will add to the experience.

Meatpossible: Chapter 1.5 Download Free

The game is bad. I have played some questionable games in my time and not resorted to calling them bad, so you can see how dire this must be. The overall concept of taking the Flappy Bird mechanics and building a combat oriented game around them is an admirable one, but everything after that initial thought is a miasma of poor decisions.

Gameplay has no weight to it. The player is trapped on the left hand edge of the screen, eternally bobbing up and down, so there is no real way to manoeuvre or use tactics, let alone command areas of the screen. Stuff comes at you, but none of it feels threatening or challenging. Attacks have no substance or interaction; they just sort of happen to make an enemy disappear.

There are a lot of options in collecting power ups, and activating certain attacks. However, they are so unnecessarily convoluted and ham-fisted that it isn’t worth spending the brain power required to plan their execution. It’s easier to just bob and collect stuff while randomly pushing buttons. Meanwhile, the mini games are perplexing havens of banality in an ocean of confusing technicolour.

The visuals are generic fantasy anime, to the point of being almost indiscernible because of how uninteresting they are. Animations are stilted and awkward, while backgrounds are repetitive. For some reason the cut scenes are line work illustrations, like from a manga, but the game graphics are pixel-art inspired. At best the sounds can be described as ‘there’.

Even navigating the game menus, and attempting to upgrade Lunaya, is a perplexing and frustrating experience. Apparently the time-tested method of using up or down to move through options wasn’t good enough, and instead the player has to enter Street Fighter 2 special move-like combinations to get around some selections.

There is more, but you get the idea.

Now we come to the one saving grace of the game. I played for half an hour before I had to step away for mental health reasons. When I came back the next day the game wouldn’t run. I went through the usual channels of verifying the files, reinstalling, clearing the Steam download cache. The works. Yet still, after an hour of tinkering (double the time I had spent playing the actual game) it wouldn’t run.

Thank god for small mercies.

Don’t bother with MeatPossible: Chapter 1.5. Don’t buy it on sale. Don’t look at the Steam page I link to. Don’t even read this review. Do some mental exercises to forget the game exists, and that if you ever see it again somewhere only the most horrid thing you can imagine will appear in its place. Thus preventing you from accidentally buying it.

Meatpossible: Chapter 1.5 Download Iso

Meatpossible: Chapter 1.5 Download Full

Score: 5%

MeatPossible: Chapter 1.5 is developed by Common Visual Entertainment. It is available now on Steam, but don’t even bother. Have you even been listening?

Reviewed On: PC
Review System: nVidiaN9600C, G1 Sniper M7 S1151, 16GB RAM
Playtime: 30 minutes